Fade to Monochrome
by Xella
Summary: Being famous has been harder on Ryuichi than everyone believes and he has taken to hiding behind his childish front more often, but what happens when this front begins to slip and his true fears show themselves?


Ryuichi lay still on his bed as the thunder crashed in the distance, a bright light filling the room and lighting up the man's face. Small blue eyes squinted slightly before closing completely, shielding themselves from the flashing light. Along with the thunder and lightening a heavy down pour was now releasing itself out onto the cracked cement streets. Nothing could pull him from his bed though, no sound, no light, not even the sound of a ringing phone from the other room could pull him from his shelter. The man's room was very empty; there was just the bed, the bedside table with a single picture on it. The picture didn't seem to be of much importance, it was a simple picture of Ryuichi with Tohma and Noriko, but one could tell from the location of the picture and the wear on the frame that it was something held dear. In the picture the three friends were still young, enjoying the fruits of youth that, like all things brief, was taken for granted at the time. He had everything then, his fame had not yet begun but he was with friends and family that he loved. Things like that were considerably more important than wealth or fame. Some would say the man still had friends, but none of them really knew who he was anymore.  
  
Beside the picture sat a single pink rabbit we have come to know as Kumagoro. It appeared rather dejected as it sat, glassy black eyes watching the singer as he lay still on his bed, then ever so slowly rose. He padded across the wooden floor and passed the white washed walls out into an equally bare hallway. Without even bothering to slip on shoes, he opened the front door and walked down the capered and fluorescent-lit hallway of his apartment building. Into the elevator his bare feet lead him, the brighter lights causing his deep blue eyes to close as he leaned against the cheap material of the elevator wall. With a soft ring the elevator came to a stop, and the singer stumbled out, barely managing to keep himself from falling. As he passed though the lobby, the manager of the building warned him to stay inside because of the storm, but after he glanced at her she instantly fell silent and watched in horror as he walked out into the pouring rain. To Ryuichi the rain came as a welcome break from the normal sunny days, it was refreshing. It wasn't something to be feared or prosecuted against, he never understood why other people insisted on doing so.   
  
The cold pavement soon numbed his feet as he continued walking away from the apartment building and towards a destination that was even a mystery to him. The rain quickly soaked through his clothing and drenched his hair drops dripping down his face. He walked continuously onward, refusing to stop even when he began to stumble, his limbs shaking horribly. Eventually he moved away from the icy cement and into a park filled with fresh spring trees and green grass. Into the shadows he moved until he encountered a wooden park bench where he instantly laid down, resting an arm on his forehead. Overhead the lighting continued to flash even as the icy rain dredged the already soaking man as he laid still. He made a very forlorn image alone there in the park, olive hair sticking to his face as he shivered hopelessly, bare feet so cold they were loosing their pink color. If anyone else had been near him they wouldn't have been able to hear over the growling rumbles of the thunder, but a small choked sob escaped the lone form on the bench. Crystalline tears formed in the corners of his eyes and they slid down the side of his face, mingling with the rain in his hair. The tears seemed endless as he spilled from his eyes, sobs and crys echoing the empty park. Then suddenly with a horrifying, painfilled scream he leapt from the bench and plunged through the underbrush that surrounded the park branches tearing at his clothes and skin. Blood trickled from his small wounds as tears slid down his cheeks, all of it being washed away by the rain.   
  
Running away from the lights of the park and fleeing into the darkness of the city streets, the man's speed increased as he moved steadily onwards towards his destination. Though he was not completely aware of his surroundings he eventually wound up in front of a gate, which locked off a path that led up a mansion. He grabbed onto the bars of the gate and screamed out to his friend who was currently curled up on a chair reading a book in front of a fire. His scream never reached his friend and in a moment of panic he stumbled over to the intercom attached to one of the pillars near the gate. He pressed button multiple times until a soft voice came on the other line, asking who he was. All he could muster in this state was his name, plain and simple. After a shocked silence, the gate swung inwards and Ryuichi instantly darted through making his way quickly up the hill. When he arrived, no one other than Tohma Seguchi was standing in the open door way, eyes wide with shock as Ryuichi stumbled, soaking and shivering on to his doorstep.   
  
Instantly the blonde man wrapped an arm around his shaking form, ignoring the water and ushered him into the warmth of his house. Having sent the servants home long ago Tohma brought Ryuichi into his sitting room where a fire was burning brightly. He made him sit down in one of the large velveteen chairs, ordering him to stay put before he rushed off to get the soaked man a towel and some clothes. Ryuichi stared blankly into the fire while he waited for the other man to return; his exhausted brain didn't understand how he had ended up here. Before he could make the connection Tohma was back in the room and he tried to make Ryuichi remove his clothes, but to no avail. He was shivering too much, so he stripped him down, simply throwing his wet clothes onto the tiles in front of the fire to be dealt with later. Very gently he dried off the, now naked shivering man before carefully dressing him in a pair of flannel pajama's. As he toweled the smaller man's hair, his forehead creased with worry, he questioned him about his rain soaked state, but he didn't receive an answer and he decided to let it go for now. Seeing as his friend was still shivering he crawled into the chair beside him and wrapped the blanket around both of them.   
  
Eventually Ryuichi's shivering ceased and he dozed as he leaned against Tohma. Tears pricked at his eyes once again and no matter how he tried to blink them back, a few still spilled over. The other man turned suddenly to look at the olive hared man as a warm tear landed on his neck. He watched in worried silence the tears continued to flow, then suddenly a sob broke from the other man and he instantly wrapped his arms around the singer. He rubbed his back and murmured comfortingly in an attempt to soothe Ryuichi, who simply clung to him sobs shaking his slim form. They there remained for a seemed a long period of time, until eventually, Ryuichi's tears faded and his sobs quieted. When this happened Tohma released the smaller man and stood up. Gently, he helped his friend up and took him into the kitchen where Ryuichi somehow pulled himself up to sit on a counter. The president stared at Ryuichi for a moment before he turned from him and went about making tea. He poured the soothing chamomile tea into a rabbit mug that Ryuichi long ago claimed as his own and handed it to the other man. Ryuichi blinked in surprise at Tohma, then accepted the tea, and sipped it slowly careful not to burn himself. The silence hung heavy in the air but neither man dared to break it for their own reasons.   
  
They remained in the kitchen until Ryuichi finished his tea, then the mug was left beside the sink and the taller man took his hand and guided him though the many rooms of the Seguchi mansion until they reached a grand stairwell. Up the marble steps the two men padded, bare feet making dulls plunking sounds against the floor. After they cleared the steps the two moved into a carpeted hallway, then up another, smaller, flight of stairs and through a pair of beautiful white doors into Tohma's bedroom. Mika was thankfully away for the week, so she wasn't there to question why Ryuichi came stumbling in at three in the morning. Tohma gently tucked Ryuichi into his own bed, turning to leave when suddenly the other man's hand darted out and caught his arm. He peered down at his friends, rather disturbed looking blue eyes and he understood. Carefully he crawled into bed with the singer, pulling him into a comforting embrace. He whispered soothing words to the smaller man hoping to lull him to sleep. Eventually, among the warm satin sheets and embraced in Tohma's arms Ryuichi passed into a nightmarish sleep. Curled up right beside him was the previously mentioned blonde president, who even in his sleep hadn't released his hold on the smaller singer.  
  
Later that morning, Ryuichi awoke with his forehead pressed against Tohma's, while greeted by the sleeping face of the self-same person. He blinked in surprise, then his memories of the previous night returned to him and he cursed himself for his stupidity. Never should he have stumbled into his friend's house, revealing his disturbed nature, which he fought valiantly to hide from everyone. With a soft sigh he banished his worried thoughts and attempted to fall back asleep. For hours he lay awake, watching the president sleep, but eventually his exhaustion caught up with him again and he fell back into a deep sleep. There they lay; Tohma curled around Ryuichi protectively, until the bright morning sun glared from the great windows and onto the bed. The blond man blinked his eyes, sitting up and looking over at his clock. He almost fainted when he saw the time; he was several hours late for work. He pinched the bridge of his nose with a soft sigh when suddenly he was pounced by the other man in the bed.  
  
"Toooohmaaa~! Thank you for letting Ryuichi spend the night last night! I really appreciate it. Sleep overs are fun, no da!" He chimed happily as he clung tightly to the president. "It was so cold out there and I got lost with out Kumagoro."  
  
Tohma looked at him strangely; barely even reacting to the clinging that was being inflicted upon him. His cool blue eyes narrowed at Ryuichi, causing the other man to pause his eyes watering up dramatically.  
  
"You have a scaary face right now Toh-ma!" He whined as he slunk away and hid behind a pillow, his eyes still watering. "Scary face Tohma, scary face Tohma!"   
  
"Be quiet Ryuichi, we're both late for work." He sighed as he slipped off the bed, Ryuichi following suit.  
  
Later on after both men had eaten and dressed Tohma offered to have Ryuichi driven home and his answer was another pounce. He didn't understand how someone who was curled up in his arms shivering the day before could possibly be so cheerful now. He was used to the change from Ryu-chan to the Sakuma-san on stage, but this was something completely different. He had never seen his friend and bandmate in such a low state as last night. Suddenly he was shaken from his thoughts as Ryuichi whined at him.  
  
"I want to go home to see Kumagoro! He must be worried about me. I left him home all alone in my bed room, I hope he forgives Ryuichi!" He cried, his hands waving in the air as he hurried to the expensive car, Tohma in tow.  
  
"I'm sure Kumagoro will understand, Ryuichi." He said with a reassuring smile.  
  
"Are you sure? He doesn't like it when Ryuichi goes off by himself. He's my best friend so he worries about me no da!"  
  
"Why don't you just ask for, forgiveness?" Tohma answered smoothly as he ushered the smaller man into the car, taking a seat beside him as he bounced around.  
  
The blond hared man watched Ryuichi bounce about hyperly for a few minutes before reaching under the seat and pulling out a small box filled with crayons and a pad of paper. Ryuichi spotted these objects and his eyes glistened. He reached out for them, hands opening and closing as his arms stretched closer. With a smile Tohma handed the objects to Ryuichi, who instantly opened the box to begin drawing.  
  
"Yay! Crayons!" He cheered as he began to draw, making cute humming sounds as he did so.   
  
"What are you drawing?" A rather amused expression crossed Tohma's face when Ryuichi refused to show him the picture and he didn't question any further.  
  
The rest of the car ride was carried out in silence, Tohma watching Ryuichi the entire time, still baffled at the sudden change of mood in his olive hared friend. He sighed and removed his hat, dusting it off, his forehead creased with worry. His worried expression was soon washed away by his usual smile, as he made a mental note to question Ryuichi about this later. Ryuichi didn't notice any of these changes in Tohma as he was too entertained by drawing; he had over used the yellow crayon and was soon forced to switch to brown. He had a very serious, but child-like expression of his face as he continued to pour himself into his work. Shortly before they arrived at Ryuichi's apartment building, he finished his drawing a held it up for Tohma to see. The other's reaction, was a simple raise of his slender eyebrow. The drawing was very messily done, it was what appeared to be Tohma standing in front of his house with Ryuichi dancing around in front of him with a blob of pink in his hands. He decided it was safe to assume that blob was Kumagoro. Ryuichi handed the drawing to Tohma, holding his hands near his face hopefully afterwards.  
  
"Do you like it, Toh-ma?" He asked, a slight whine in his voice.  
  
"It's very nice, Ryuichi. Is it for me?" He asked with a smile, his head tilting to the side. This question earned him a bright smile and a quick nod. "I'll be sure to treasure it then."  
  
The car came to a stop in front of Ryuichi's apartment building and the driver got out to open the door for Ryuichi. He bounced out of the car, the clothes he borrowed from Tohma looking a little strange on him. Before he moved too far away from the door, his wrist was grabbed gently. He blinked, turning his head to look down at the other man.  
  
"What is it? Ryuichi needs to go see Kumagoro now, no da!" He cried, waving his arms. Trying to get free, but Tohma held him fast.  
  
"You stay home and look after yourself today, Ryuichi." He said seriously, his expression leaving no options. This caused Ryuichi to pause and he nodded before freeing himself and running towards the door with his arms out.   
  
"I'm a plane! Buzzzz!" He said as he ran over to the front door, unlocking it and stepping inside as Tohma's car drove off.  
  
He kept up his playful mood all through the building and into his apartment, where he suddenly dropped it. Looking very tired now, he leaned against the doorframe and kicked off his shoes before heading into his white washed bedroom. With a slight smile he scooped Kumagoro off of the bedside table and hugged him close, apologizing for leaving him at home alone. Ryuichi fell onto his bed and curled up with Kumagoro against his chest. The sun was glaring through the window, but he didn't bother getting up to close the blinds. He just basked in the warm sunlight as its warm rays soothed him. His eyes gently slid closed and he hugged Kumagoro even closer, whispering his secrets to the small rabbit. Kumagoro just stared blankly, unable to register anything the man said to him, as was expected. Nothing Ryuichi said could make the stuffed rabbit react, but that didn't stop him from continuing to talk; telling all his fears and hopes to his friend. He wished the rabbit could answer and talk with him, but perhaps the fact he couldn't do that is why they remained such close friends, I mean he was the best listener in the world. Kumagoro was always there when he needed someone to talk to, or someone to play with. He always had time for Ryuichi, no matter what. With a soft sigh Ryuich snuggled Kumagoro, thanking the rabbit for listening to him as he curled up even more and slid into a deep slumber. 


End file.
